crazy love

today is my 12th wedding anniversary.  i'm looking around my life and thinking how much is changed.  john is lying on the couch capturing pokemon characters for the kids' video game.  zaiden is sitting next to john watching his every move.  zander is reluctantly doing his book report, and zane is on the floor playing legos.  it's actually snowing tonight, but on our wedding day, it was super pretty outside.  it rained a bit in the morning, but the sun came out for a perfect day. 

john and i love to tell the story of how we met because our stories differ slightly.  the only part we agree on is that we met at the Blue Note in columbia, mo and that john was wearing a light blue shirt.  if you ask john, he'll tell you that i was eyeing him all night and couldn't wait to get him on the dancefloor.  then he claims i lured him in by unbuttoning his shirt.  i can assure you that is not what happened.  the real story is that i was dragged to the blue note by my best friend christine, and i was just hanging in the corner of the place with my friend jeremy.  jeremy, it should be noted, looks like a bouncer, so i figured i'd have a quiet night with him.  john must not have noticed jeremy because he approached me carrying not just a plastic cup of beer, but an entire pitcher.  apparently, he couldn't be bothered to pour the beer into the glass - it's much easier to drink straight from the pitcher.  so he and i eventually made our way to the dancefloor.  luckily we both had had a few beers by this time, so our lack of rythm wasn't noticed by the other.  however, i do remember buttoning the second button on his shirt so he didn't look like travolta in saturday night fever. 

that first night meeting led to 4 years of dating through college and first jobs.  john finally "engaged me" in august 1998, and i spent the next 7 months planning every detail.  our wedding sure was perfect.  all our friends were there, and all of our family was too.  i remember crying after the wedding was over because it was such a perfect day.  i felt so much love that day, and i hope i never forget that feeling.

i had no idea what to expect after the wedding day.  everybody talks about engagements and weddings, but nobody mentions the day after the wedding.  my world was totally different on march 28, 1999, and i had no idea how to cope.  john and i were 23 and 25 when we got married, and the master plan called for our first child to be born in 5 years.  (zane decided he wanted to surprise us 2 years later instead.)  the master plan really fall apart probably by, oh, april 1.  we learned very quickly that life doesn't follow a master plan.  we've learned all kinds of stuff about each other that we never would have expected.  we've learned to adapt to each other and the crazy stuff that happens every day around here. 

twelve years ago, i tried very hard to be what i thought was a good wife.  i actually spent an entire sunday ironing john's work shirts.  i hung them in the doorway to our bedroom when i was finished.  after about 4 hours of ironing, john walked through the door and knocked them all to the ground.  those shirts lay on the ground for the rest of the day (if not the week), and that was the last time i ironed.  i've tried many many times to cook, and i always end up wounded.  i've learned though that none of that stuff really matters.  my laundry skills stink, my cooking skills stink, my cleaning skills stink (well maybe that's just laziness), but john loves me anyway.  he always says that he sure landed a winner. i never know what makes me a winner since i am so terrible at all that stuff, but whatever it is, i'm glad i found the one person who can see that in me.

the one thing i know i'm good at is loving my family and putting family first.  we've got the greatest 3 boys, and i like to think they chose us.  john and i are layed back about everything, and we just want to hang out with the boys.  in a few months, our 4th little guy is arriving, and i am sure he will fit right in with our little gang here.  well, i sure hope so.  i look at my life, and i couldn't have dreamed it any better.  (well, i wouldn't have minded be able to use a pink bow on my own child every now and then, but i think i'm doing okay with ballcaps and dirt.) 

twelve years ago, i planned every detail of our wedding and our life with precision.  i've learned now that details are worth nothing, and life is much more exciting when we go with it.  as long as we are together, i know we can handle just about anything.  as a little girl, i had a dream of what my life would be like.  the details are a bit different, but the overall picture is exactly what i dreamed of - a husband who loves me, stability, and beautiful kids.  i think i've got it all.